Faith and the Prodigal Son

A lot has been swimming through my mind and at times being caught under rapids of negativity.  In light of recent family events, I have found myself somewhat in the position of the elder brother illustrated in the Savior's parable of the Prodigal Son.  As his younger brother returns from a life of riotous living, his father frankly forgives and kills the fatted calf to welcome him home.  The elder brother see this as a reward which he felt was undeserved seeing as the elder son always attended to his duty and yet had never received such treatment.  There have been many times in my life where I have felt in this manner.  I have spent much time in self reflection and wondered why I have not received recognition for accomplishments and life events that are good and true only to have that recognition go to others that in my estimation have not earned it.  In fact there are those that have gotten or are getting the recognition and attention even after doing things that are wrong.  One case in point before I get to the true lesson in my babbling.  When I had surgery I thought for sure people (mainly my family) would come and visit me in the hospital...a desire I have had all my life to be "in the spotlight" for once.  I didn't have surgery just to get attention but for my health but there was that glimmer of hope that I just might get a little attention from those I love the most.  Outside of my dear and loving wife, and a good friend of mine no one came.  What a lonely place a hospital is.

I know that this is not the way that I am to perceive life.  This way of feeling in contrary to what the lord would have me do.  I know that I have a heavenly father that loves me regardless of what job I have, how much money I make, or who my friends are.  We live in a world that is so full of comparison one to another.  There is a social ranking that the natural man tends to want to climb and in the process we forget those around us.  This knowledge has allowed me to alter my focus away from me.  I am not perfect but I am realizing how much more happy I am when I come out of myself and focus on others.  There is still a constant pull from the natural man that sometimes wins but I pray for the courage and strength to overcome envy and hope that I can receive an eye of service.  There truly is joy in losing one's self in the service of others.  I pray Alma's promise that if we have but a desire to believe that this desire will grow.  It may not happen in my life but I will work for those blessings that come as faith grows.  I just ask for forgiveness when I stumble.

Moving Forward?

First of all I would like to start off by saying how grateful I am to live in a country that is free.  We are free to choose, free to worship how we may, free to design our own path through life.  I welcome the close of election season with mixed emotions and feelings of uncertainty.  It is not my intention to go on a political rant or to bash one side of the isle or another, but I view the outcome of this current election with apprehension and worry.  As I laid awake last night contemplating what the outcome of this election means to me and to my family, my mind kept coming back to the Book of Mormon.  I thought of stories when the Nephites were dealing with their own political issues when selecting a new chief judge or a king.  There was always one who lured many away with flattering words, and without fail, that group caused hardships and strife among the people even unto the destruction of the entire Nephite civilization.  More times than not the outcome was a Nephite people who were compelled to humble themselves and draw nearer to the Savior.  We are quickly coming to a point in the history of time where we will no longer be able to sit on the fence in terms of our devotion to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Soon we each will have to choose whether we are in or out of the cause of truth.  We will soon face a time when we can not dabble on both sides of the spiritual spectrum.  We are moving to a day when it will truly be good versus evil with no middle ground.  I am taking this opportunity to personally evaluate myself and determine the areas where I sit on the fence.  I am going to force myself to choose now so that when the time comes that my choices are challenged, I will be firmly planted on the side of truth in defending the kingdom of God.  I also think of my kids and the world in which they have to grow.  Am I up to the challenge to lead my family in righteousness?  Do I have what it takes to prepare my children for a world destine to become more wicked?  What are my little ones going to face in their lifetime?  What hardships, what problems, what challenges will stand in their path?  What a humbling job it is to have the opportunity to prepare these little ones for such a great challenge.  May the Lord bless all of us as we move forward.

What Comes Next For Willing Hands To Do

I really had no intention of posting anything today, as I was waiting until tomorrow for weigh-in day, but was watching Pres. Eyring's talk from the Relief Society's conference and felt that I needed to share my thoughts.  He spoke of the caregiver, the women of the world.  I am so grateful that I have married one of the great women of the world.  I am thankful for all that she has done and does for me everyday.  As Pres. Eyring spoke, my mind went back to when Susan and I were first married.  We were living with my 92 year old grandfather who needed care and help.  Without hesitation, my new bride, of less than a couple of months, jumped in and willingly served this aging man until the day he died.  She didn't serve out of duty or because it was expected of her, she served grandpa out of a genuine love, even the pure love of Christ.  Grandpa adored her, loved her as his own granddaughter, and protected her when I would tease.  As someone who had the opportunity to watch an angel serve someone in need, I count my blessings that such a noble daughter of God would be my partner forever.  How thankful I am that we were sealed together for time and all eternity.  I know that the blessings of the temple and the sealing powers found in the priesthood of God are real and Eternal.  What a wonderful blessing it is know that through faith and living the commandments, my family will be with me forever.  We have a wonderful opportunity to tour the temple in Boise.  The doors are currently open to all.  There is an open house going on that I invite all who read this to attend.  There is only a couple of weeks left and I would be happy to attend with you.  Please let me know if this is something you would like to do.  Our journey in this life is not to focus on self.  Our journey is to serve others as a means of refining our self.  Through service to those around us, we in turn are blessed.  When we lose ourselves in the service of others we ultimately find ourselves.  Again I want everyone to know that I know that families can be together forever.  I know that death is not a permanent separation but a temporary goodbye.  I long for the day when I can embrace my loved ones that have passed on before me.  I hope that our reunion is one of rejoicing because of a life lived in the service of God.

More to be Desired Are They Than Gold

One of the greatest desires of my heart is to be able to listen to and act on promptings and impressions given by the spirit.  Listening to President Thomas S. Monson's talk from the Sunday morning session of conference inspired an even greater longing for this blessing in my life.  The blessings that come to a person when they heed the spirit of the Lord in service of others are sweet and joyous.  President Monson spoke of many different experiences when he answered the call of the Lord and the joy that he received from his service.  To many times I second guess the thoughts and feeling that come as something fleeting and not really from our heavenly father.  To many times, I may have missed out on blessings that could have brought joy into my life.  Some I know have this gift to be able to recognize a need that others have and then without question act on it.  I find that a lot of times I can recognize the need and think that they need help but just keep moving on.  How does one go from recognizing the need and actually stepping up and helping?  I am a person who doesn't like to bother people and it has been so ingrained in my personality that I fight myself every time.  I don't want to intrude.  I do I recognize and feel the urgency to serve the needs of others when I recognize them?

On another note, I was reading on conversion during the sacrament yesterday and came across the following scripture from Psalms 19:

 7 The ^alaw of the Lord is ^bperfect, ^cconverting the soul: the^dtestimony of the Lord is ^esure, making ^fwise the ^gsimple.
 8 The statutes of the Lord are right, ^arejoicing the heart: the commandment of the Lord is ^bpure, ^cenlightening the eyes.
 9 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the ^ajudgmentsof the Lord are ^btrue and righteous altogether.
 10 More to be ^adesired are they than ^bgold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.

How simple and pure this verse is.  This spoke to my heart the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Peace comes from living the principles of the gospel.  I have a desire to commit myself more fully to living a life converted to the gospel.  Service is one of those keys.  I know that I need to lose myself in the service of others.  This is going to cause me to come out of my comfort zone.  But that is what this journey is all about in the first place.  My quest is for life change.  Stepping out of your comfort zone brings this on especially if done with faith.

Humble Beginnings

I have come to a crossroads in life.  I can continue to live the way that I always have or I can take a path completely foreign to me.  Continuing to live the way that I am has a pretty certain future.  I am overweight and am starting to see the effects this lifestyle has had on my body.  I am spiritually not where I am supposed to be.  This path is easy to traverse and is comfortable but it lacks the joy that I seek.  Plus the dangers associated with this path (although easy and familiar) are grave.  Both of these paths could possibly lead to an early death, both physical and spiritual.  With the current condition of the world and the fact that we know it will not get any better, I feel that I need to prepare myself both physically and spiritually for what lies ahead.  I need to prepare myself so that I can lead my family through any physical and spiritual hardships that may befall us with the ultimate goal of preparing my children to tackle the pressures of a world that is spiraling to a very dark and evil finish.

I have come across a scripture in the Book of Mormon on several different occasions that when read or heard pricks my heart inspiring change.  It is found in Alma 23:6-8.  A little background, the sons of Mosiah have been teaching the Lamanites, enduring hardships, resistance, and strife.  Finally a breakthrough and religious freedom is declared throughout all the land of the Lamanites.  As these sons of Mosiah spread the gospel to these people, thousands come to a knowledge of their savior and redeemer.  This is how the scripture reads:

(6) And as sure as the Lord liveth, so sure as many as believed, or as many as were brought to the knowledge of the truth, through the preaching of Ammon and his brethren, according to the spirit of revelation and of prophecy, and the power of God working miracles in them-yea, I say unto you, as the Lord liveth, as many of the Lamanites as believed in their preaching, and were converted unto the Lord, never did fall away.
(7) For they became a righteous people; they did lay down the weapons of their rebellion, that they did not fight against God anymore, neither against any of their brethren.
(8) Now, these are they who were converted unto the Lord.

I have heard and I believe and long to never fall away.  Therefore, I declare that I am "laying down the weapons of my rebellion".  I am recommitting myself to the cause of truth.  In order to endure the constant and ever growing pressures of a world filled with evil, I need to engulf myself in the protection provided by a testimony and deep conversion to the gospel, that is being constantly nourished through prayer, study and faith.

My journey is not only spiritual but physical as well. I have been overweight my entire life. I only know the life of a fat person.  I have made the choice to take drastic measures to jump start my physical health.  I am in the process of preparing for gastric bypass surgery.  Though many view this process as "the easy way" I disagree.  When a person goes through this process, it forces them to essentially change their life.  While I am excited for the change, I have reservations as to what the future holds. What will life be like after surgery?  Will I have the discipline and self control to maintain a lifestyle that will allow me to lose the weight?  Many other questions and unknowns remain but I press forward with excitement.  I know that by getting healthy not only will I have more energy and focus to give my family, but also I will be better prepared to serve the Lord.

My purpose for this blog is to provide an avenue to express my feelings, celebrate my successes, vent my frustrations, declare my failures, and garner support.  I have found in my life that if I write/speak the feelings of my heart and the thoughts of my mind that I maintain a clearer vision of my world uncluttered by bottled up feelings and thoughts left undone.  I invite all to read this and join me on my quest.  Your comments, support, and love are greatly appreciated.