A lot has been swimming through my mind and at times being caught under rapids of negativity. In light of recent family events, I have found myself somewhat in the position of the elder brother illustrated in the Savior's parable of the Prodigal Son. As his younger brother returns from a life of riotous living, his father frankly forgives and kills the fatted calf to welcome him home. The elder brother see this as a reward which he felt was undeserved seeing as the elder son always attended to his duty and yet had never received such treatment. There have been many times in my life where I have felt in this manner. I have spent much time in self reflection and wondered why I have not received recognition for accomplishments and life events that are good and true only to have that recognition go to others that in my estimation have not earned it. In fact there are those that have gotten or are getting the recognition and attention even after doing things that are wrong. One case in point before I get to the true lesson in my babbling. When I had surgery I thought for sure people (mainly my family) would come and visit me in the hospital...a desire I have had all my life to be "in the spotlight" for once. I didn't have surgery just to get attention but for my health but there was that glimmer of hope that I just might get a little attention from those I love the most. Outside of my dear and loving wife, and a good friend of mine no one came. What a lonely place a hospital is.
I know that this is not the way that I am to perceive life. This way of feeling in contrary to what the lord would have me do. I know that I have a heavenly father that loves me regardless of what job I have, how much money I make, or who my friends are. We live in a world that is so full of comparison one to another. There is a social ranking that the natural man tends to want to climb and in the process we forget those around us. This knowledge has allowed me to alter my focus away from me. I am not perfect but I am realizing how much more happy I am when I come out of myself and focus on others. There is still a constant pull from the natural man that sometimes wins but I pray for the courage and strength to overcome envy and hope that I can receive an eye of service. There truly is joy in losing one's self in the service of others. I pray Alma's promise that if we have but a desire to believe that this desire will grow. It may not happen in my life but I will work for those blessings that come as faith grows. I just ask for forgiveness when I stumble.
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